November 2009
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2012 (12a)
Printed 11th November 2009

As Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow so pointedly prove, no-one on the (doomed?) planet does sentimental and spectacular quite like Roland Emmerich. 2012 rounds off (?) his damned-entertaining disaster trilogy in stunning fashion.

Based on the ancient Mayan prophecy that the world as we know it will come to an end on December 21st 2012, Emmerich’s latest apocalypse-porn stars the dry wit of John Cusack as central figure and everyday family man (of course) Jackson Curtis as well as a whole other host of talent (Amanda Peet, Chiwetel “immediately elevates everything he’s in” Ejiofor, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton, Jimi Mistry, Thomas McCarthy, Danny Glover and a wild-eyed Woody Harrelson cameoing as a Randy Quaid-esque conspiracy nut) as his supporting players in this global catastrophe. Broken down into three easy-to-summarise sections, 2012’s somewhat-overlong running time passes thusly:

Act One) The patient build-up as we learn the “science” behind the spectacle and get to know the main players in this melodrama (see cast above).
Act Two) Death, destruction and mayhem as doomsday arrives and the world as we know it shifts and collapses and implodes around us (by far the best bit).
Act Three) The mad dash to safety as our intrepid heroes learn of the Government’s species-saving plan and attempt to outrun the global devastation to see the next dawn of the Earth (this has happened before and will happen again).

These machinations don’t matter though. They’re just the backdrop for two-and-a-half hours of unadulteratedly cheesy, stupid, suspenseful and bloody stupendous fun. Yes it’s overlong by at least 20 minutes with the Prison Break-into the “Ark” an improbable set-piece too far and the subsequent Poseidon(s) rip-off scenes even more entirely superfluous. But by that time you’re with these amiable people every step of the way and crossing all your body parts that they make their escape ahead of the killer tide, so this unnecessary extension of tension is entirely excusable and just more guilty pleasure for your leisure.

The undoubted highlight of Emmerich’s gratuitous effects-fest though arrives about an hour into the runtime as Cusack’s Curtis stuffs his family into a stretch limo and dodges all the emerging earthquake cracks and tumbling buildings and exploding fireballs by the skid of their tyres in a frantic and frenetic escape from a quickly-crumbling LA. Come the transfer to a light aircraft and the final burst into open air (no that isn’t a spoiler) you can finally release that breath you’ve been holding for ten-to-fifteen without realising in order to whoop and holler and clap your equal parts relief and excitement and appreciation for the spectacle you’ve been fortunate enough to be privy to (that’s what happened at the screening I was at anyway...). This is what effects-films are for and this is exactly why you go to see this category of film.

A (modern) classic disaster flick to rate alongside timeless masterpieces Earthquake, The Towering Inferno, When World’s Collide and The Happening (only kidding, but the film itself is truly disastrous - see my April 16th blog posting), 2012 cements Emmerich’s place as the number one master of disaster. So find the biggest possible screen you can in your area to go see this on, hold onto your hat, be open to the implausible and enjoy what is a dazzlingly daft thrill ride.

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